I am plotting against GOD if a situation does not go the way I intend it to and how GOD said it would.
I clearly know that I messed up and only realized it at the end. Yet, I am calm and composed, knowing very well that GOD has my back. Am I supposed to be thinking in such a way and putting myself in a comfort zone?
Yes, I am! That is the way I was structured to think and I am not to question it. Why? Because GOD offered a comfort zone and I accepted it. Even though I know I have messed up, I’m still fine because I believe GOD has my back. I “know” I am going to be delivered from the mess I have made. Is it so?
Now the doubts are resurfacing about the mess I have made. The big screw up. I have begun to envision the results and questioning GOD if he will save me. The odds are stacked against me, and if GOD does not deliver me… I then plot against Him, or should I start plotting now? I’m just being prepared for the worst. But the question is, how?
How is this plot going to be effective? I remember a poet once saying “Your arms are too short to box with GOD.” Well, I guess those were whoever’s arms he was informed, not mine.
So, back to the “how” part of it; how is my plot going to work? Firstly, I am going to reject GOD and the doctrine about GOD. Call it a populist philosophy and indoctrinate me with anti-GOD ideology.
Secondly, I will indoctrinate the masses with the anti-GOD ideology and critique the ideology about GOD, including other beliefs or religion.
Do I think I am that powerful? Am I losing my common sense? Am I out of my mind?
Now I have gotten back to my “common sense”. Am I seriously going to plot a war against GOD and win? Am I paying attention to my thoughts or I have gone insane?
Well, I am making an ill-informed decision out of reasonable doubt and not spirituality. What if GOD will deliver me out of the mess I have made? GOD will act as much as I believe he will. For this will not be the first or last time GOD will be saving from me the gates of hell, but why is this situation or mess so critical to an extent that if GOD will not save me I will start a war with GOD?
I believe in GOD and the gospel. If I look back at my life and see the situations whereby GOD has done the impossible, I truly see how insane I am now.
But with this plot against GOD, I ask myself what if the situations I was saved from were to be so by fate and destiny, and I just believed blindly that GOD had done it for me?
So I continue plotting in case GOD does not deliver me, and if GOD delivers me I keep believing in the doctrine. I cannot put all my eggs in one basket. Can I? I have to have options, right? I cannot be subjective or one-sided.
What if GOD delivers me? It was a question I asked myself in church. I had my preacher also ask GOD to save me that day in church. I do so every day. Am I really that afraid of a small negative outcome in a comfort zone to an extent that if it goes wrong, I will start a war with GOD for not doing as I please?
Or is this plot just self-defeating? How it portrays me to be egoistic, self-centred, and I want GOD to do as I please. Not as GOD pleases to an extent that I am plotting against him. It’s biblically foolish to be planning such an act because I know how it will play out for me. I will be the fool and GOD will remain GOD. Is it so?
I might even go insane. I think I am insane now. I can’t even take down the corrupt system I live in, and I think I can take down GOD.
I am going insane, aren’t I?
What if me plotting this war will be a liberation victory for me from laws and beliefs that hinder my individual freedom? Getting to the real answers of “why must we not”. What if me walking away from GOD, I will get what I truly desire or am I just making choices out of ignorance, selfishness and failure to understand what GOD is really about?
What will I get if this plot succeeds? I criticise GOD, then what? Will I be saved from the mess or am I creating a larger mess out of nothing? Will I truly not need GOD? How will my mind function the following morning, following day or in the future after launching this plot?
Do I become greater than GOD? Do I rub it in GOD’s face that I got my revenge for him backstabbing me? Then what? Who will I be tomorrow when my plot succeeds? I would have lost my current identity. Then how will I build my next identity, knowing very well that the current identity results from aligning to GOD’s doctrine? Or will I keep plotting? What do you think?
I personally believe this plot is a reverse perspective spin; I am pointing the gun at my head, ready to pull the trigger. But why do I believe this? Why? Why?
I stop worshipping GOD; stop going to church; critic the doctrine and ideology. Then run away from it and stage a protest against GOD. That’s my plot. A threat I have given GOD that if he won’t do as I please or what I ask of him, I will make this threat plot come to pass.
I have truly gone insane, haven’t I? Just a tiny little me plotting against GOD. Who do I think I am? A senior assistant to the devil?
I believe everything happens for a reason. Me making this plot is just an action made out of anger, failure to understand and wanting to keep myself in a comfort zone. I do not want to struggle and fail so I see GOD has a path to success with no failure. Do I fail to see things clearly?
I hope my plot is clear.
Should I continue plotting or is my plot short-sighted and stupid?
Asher Mutandiro is a final year student at The University of Zimbabwe studying Journalism and Media Studies.
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