A continuation of #GracefullyBroken, Discussing Mental Health: Anxiety Will Not Win
I remember every time l had a terrible experience at work, I would call my spiritual mentors and they would all say just pray, pray, pray. The more I prayed the more I got frustrated with myself because it made me feel like a failure. l would still feel pain and still wouldn’t know how to handle it.
I have always wanted to be perfect and be the best person to everyone around me.
The perfect girlfriend with no flaws, the perfect friend with no flaws, the perfect daughter with no flaws, the perfect employee with no flaws, the perfect Christian with no flaws, but…the pursuit of perfection contributed to the anxiety disorder.
I wanted people to see Christ Jesus in me. It felt like that’s what was expected of me. At the pursuit of wanting to be perfect, l kept failing. The more I tried, the more I failed. I seriously beat myself down for what l had done. I then finally decided to forgive myself and to accept that l am a work in progress.
God created us to be human beings, some days we will not get it right. Some days our emotions and feelings will get the best of us. I don’t know what type of disease you are dealing with today, mine is an Anxiety Disorder. I don’t know what remedy you are taking to heal yourself.
Maybe you are suffering in silence.
Maybe you don’t want people to know and see the real you.
Maybe you are hiding behind the mask and the façade of perfection.
I have found my remedy and I am taking it one step at a time. The word of God says in 1 John 3:2
Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.
I am not perfect, l have flaws, l hurt, l get angry etc, but, the Word of God says one day when He comes, I’ll be like Him.
This is my comfort to rest in the truth that the person l want to be, will be at the coming of Jesus Christ. The key is to be patient with myself and as l said take it one step at a time; Rome wasn’t built in a day.
The journey is a process; it is not a one-day event. As l said l don’t know your disease, maybe you have panic disorders like me but l urge you to know your disease and be really honest with yourself& also find out the roots and causes of your disease.
Mine is to be the perfect being to everyone around me but me. I was the perfect girlfriend and was there for him when he needed me the most and hence didn’t understand why he couldn’t do the same for me. I felt like a failure but now l understand that l am going to be good, even though the process sometimes feels slow, it doesn’t mean l am not progressing.
ONE STEP AT A TIME.
I don’t know if my ex-boyfriend will ever forgive me or if things would be alright between us, all l know is l made a decision to fight for myself and come out a victor.
I am determined to beat this disease and what am l doing to beat it? I sought help, l am going for therapy sessions, l pray, l read the Word, l have amazing friends who have been the greatest support system for me and l talk to them when l feel anxious, l am honest with how l feel, l no longer hide from confronting my emotions, l face them and deal with them and lastly l forgive myself every day.
The truth is the God who started a good work in me will see it to completion. Go deal with whatever you are going through because if you don’t then you will not only hurt yourself but people around especially your loved ones. It is possible, we will overcome!!!!
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