To the Husband Who Watches Porn: A Wife’s Perspective

HUSBANDS, IF YOU ARE LOOKING AT PORN, PLEASE GET HELP AND STOP IMMEDIATELY.

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Husbands, I share this with you, not to point fingers or make you feel bad. I share this because I want you to know what your porn habit does to your wife.

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It breaks her heart. It makes her feel like you cheated on her. It makes her doubt her beauty and sexual appeal. It causes her to have a deep insecurity with your marriage. It causes her anxiety and even depression. It makes her feel cheap, and she sees you as sleazy. It fractures the trust she has in you, and it immediately makes her lose respect for you.

You may tell yourself the lies that so many other husbands in our culture believe.  Lies like, I’m not hurting anyone, and I’m not actually sleeping with another person, so it’s not cheating. What’s wrong with me spicing up my sex life? This is something I do alone, so it doesn’t affect her. Porn actually enhances my sex life, because it gives me ideas for what we can do in the bedroom. I’m a grown man, and I can do whatever I want to do. It’s none of her business. It’s okay if I look at porn to meet my needs because she doesn’t want to have sex as frequently as I do.

All of these are excuses that mask a huge problem and keep husbands intertwined in a terrible habit that can become a full-blown addiction.

Husbands, if you are looking for porn, please get help and STOP immediately. Go confess this to your wife. Don’t hide it anymore. Seek God’s forgiveness and your wife’s forgiveness.

Then, take the steps necessary to regain her trust. Put accountability in place. Remove computers or other devices from hidden places. Get blockage software that will alarm a trusted friend or your wife anytime you look up porn on your computer. Get rid of any television channels that show porn at night.  Be willing to do whatever it takes to beat this and save your marriage. You can do this if you are willing to put in the work.

You must show your wife that you only have eyes for her. Show her that you want her and love her with all your heart. Give her your time and attention daily.

Those porn stars can’t love you back. Don’t trade the love of your life for a temporary, empty fix. Go to your wife and talk about your sexual desires and needs. Listen when she shares hers as well. Work together on having a God-honouring and sexually satisfying marriage. Don’t settle for a counterfeit image to fulfill a need that only your wife should meet.  

Porn is never the answer. It doesn’t spice things up. It chokes out real intimacy between a husband and wife.

Please know that there is hope. Dave (my husband) and I grew stronger through this struggle, and you can too. Be blessed!

The above article was written by a Christian writer and life coach Ashley Willis. Early in her marriage, she logged into their computer and discovered that her hubby Dave had been looking at porn and had a porn addiction. She broke down emotionally and physically but through help, they were both able to close that ugly chapter and now are happily married.